Please Release Me, Let Me Write

That's how I'm feeling lately.

Release me from laundry, household chores, dog walking and.....my writing group?

I'm frustrated. Had anyone from the outside world dropped by, he would have thought he'd stumbled into an AA meeting or a group therapy session, definitely NOT a writing group.

Don't get me wrong, now. I have total respect and admiration for my fellow members and absolute understanding that we need a safe place to discuss the things that are going on in our lives. We often do this at the beginning of our meetings as we catch up on what's been happening to all of us. And some of us have been going through extreme, life altering events. However, I truly mean it when I say, "I want to write the drama, not live it."

That's not really what's frustrating me, though, because I know not every meeting takes on this cloak of a therapy session and often is full of twisting words around and ideas flying around the room so fast it's often hard to catch them all. It was the way I felt almost personally attacked because I offered information on publishing options and gave an update on the submissions I have circulating. When I'm in this cycle, I'm in the need of cheerleaders, I'll admit it; I look to the members of this group for support. Instead I received kind of a "why bother" response, even a "I may not even write any more" response from one, although I know he will get through this part of his life and the words in his head and heart will bombard him back to his computer.

So....I left feeling like my dog Rupert must feel when I reprimand him. If I had a tail, it would have been between my legs all the way home. Am I foolish for spending most of my days here in my office pounding the keyboards and filling this screen with words, or preparing manuscripts to send out? If I don't write.....well, ask my husband. I'm sure he'll tell you he'd rather live with me writing every day than not writing. Whether the rejection letters fill my mailbox or not. Because it's not about getting published, it's about doing the writing. Publishing is the "dessert" for me. I'd love my grandchildren to see something in print that Nana did, because I know my daughter will toss all my notebooks in the trash, after she has gone through them all looking for stray $20 bills.

Perhaps we all need a change of scenery. Winter stays too long here often, and we may be feeling the need for an early spring. The group takes a summer hiatus. Maybe I'll hang in until then, see what might have changed again by fall.

Until then.....I'm going to write. I'm going to submit. I'm going to do what a writer does.